Archive for parenting

Thanksgiving is more than a holiday. It is an essential state of mind for our family.

Thanksgiving is an essential attitude for families. Recent research indicates just how important gratefulness is for our relationships and health.  Read More →

This is a topic many parents and kids struggle with…how do we get our kids to help clean up around the house. Over the years of parenting four kids, here is what we found is better to make “clean up” fun and a team sport.

We found that chore charts and expectations supported by lectures or consequences lead to tension between the kids as some things were easier than others, as well as motivation issues with getting the tasks done. Read More →

Our daughter is amazing, that’s it, plane and simply amazing!  Most of her friends are mature like she is and the group of friends she has are good kids, with good values, and are keeping each other on track.  She’s responsible, planning her future. We don’t track her on GPS (yes, you read that right), we don’t snoop through her phone (not a spy sorry, well not sorry) and social media accounts, we don’t snoop through her room (if we did, she should be able to snoop through ours, or is that overboard). I know you’re thinking “what!”  you have to do those things to keep her safe and out of trouble.  No we don’t and she is safe and out of trouble.

We work with natural consequences now.  So if she does not go to practice she will likely sit on the bench for most of the game, if she does not turn in her homework she will get a bad grade, if she does not move the laundry she will have wet clothes etc… Read More →

We celebrate Independence Day with family gatherings, parades and fireworks. Revive Family wishes you a wonderful day this 4th of July with your family.  Today it seems that independence has taken on a twinge of fear for parents. The thought of granting our kids independence carries with it the sense that we are taking a risk and not being “good parents”, but this has not always been the case. Read More →

One of the more powerful concepts I have found through coaching numerous families is transparency. While not high on the priority list in our culture, it is vital within our homes.

Depending on our background and personality, transparency can either be easier or harder for us. For those who have a hard time saying no to our family members, transparency is an incredibly freeing tool. For those who really depend more on right and wrong and telling the truth, transparency helps those around us understand and draw closer to us.

Why is transparency so important?

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Recently I worked with a family that was by all measures successful and yet their kids were struggling.  

They lived in a great area, had plenty of resources and the kids enjoyed more activities and opportunities than their parents had. Given this reality it was hard for the parents to understand why both their kids struggled in significant ways.  One struggled with depression and anxiety, while the other had motivation issues with school and a significant anger issue.

This amazing couple could not understand why their kids would not or could not be grateful for their situation, take advantage of the opportunities and move forward confidently.  After all to them their kids were treated better then they were when they were kids and they had so much more to be appreciative of. Read More →

Summer provides parents a great opportunity to move kids towards understanding themselves and the responsibility needed to help them mature and succeed.

As parents we can make summer a season of development with our kids because they have more free time and are not consumed with school, activities and sports.  To accomplish this we need to view our kids and our role differently.

We can Make Summer a Season of Development and Responsibility

For some parents, like Deedee and me with our oldest at age nine, it may mean you need to do some things to reconnect with your kids at a deeper level.  This was a level that was missing with our kids. Even though they knew we cared deeply for them, they saw that our focus was on their performance and behavior. This caused our oldest daughter to avoid us, hide things and give one word answers rather than entering into conversations with us.  Our focus on performance caused our kids to retreat from responsibility because they knew we would harp on how they under-performed rather than encourage them in their effort and learning. Read More →

Soon our kids will be out of school and summer will be upon us. What will occupy our kid’s time?  Will they watch You Tube, be engrossed on social media, or game the summer away? These of course are the options they will likely migrate to, if left to their own devices.  This is a dilemma I face as a father every summer, given that my office is in a 25 x 25 room at our home and my wife is in town.

I have found that planning for the summer with your kids and empowering them to make some key decisions can make a big difference. For younger kids there are day camps like the one my daughter Jennifer worked for the last two years, called Game-Time.  Involving them in discussions around the need for these programs and what they will do for the summer is an important part of developing adults. Talk to them about the factors around the decisions, this will help them develop evaluation and decision making skills.  Often kids just need the transparency and information to develop understanding, a sense of responsibility and purpose in the plan for their summer to make things go much smoother.
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Let’s Revive Our Families:
Unlocking the Secrets of the Good Shepherd

Come explore how we lead in a manner that will have our kids chasing us around the lake like the Good Shepherd.  Imagine having such influence in your kids lives.  Influence that has them looking up to you, seeking your advice, and involving you in their decisions. We wonder is this even possible today? It is!

How do we achieve such influence in our kids’ lives and maintain it through the adolescent years?  These are the questions Jeff sought to answer in his research given what he saw happening with his oldest Heather. This search led to unconventional wisdom that has parents saying “I wish I had heard this sooner!” Come interact with Jeff and explore how arrive at a place of lasting influence.

Join Jeff Schadt May 5th at Westside Vineyard Church for an interactive exploration of how we gain amazing influence in our kids lives.  Come for dinner at 5:30 with your family because the evening includes a session for Middle School and High School Students called It’s Your Life that will help them take more responsibility for their success.  Saturday the 5th costs just $20 per family.

You will not be disappointed!

Encouragement is vital, if we want to develop children that will achieve their true potential.  Today the shifting sands of social media brings instability, slights and a level of comparison that we did not have to deal with when we were children.

Apart from the information overload and uncertainty social media adds to our child’s  lives as adolescents, a majority of us as a adolescent struggled with negative feelings about ourselves and the feeling of acceptance. Then adding in all the social media avenues that our children are exposed to has even more negatively affected that sense of belonging. Studies have linked social media to a greater sense of loneliness.

This is the reason that encouragement is more important than ever for 9 to 18 year olds. Encouragement draws our children closer to us and lessens their need to make connections elsewhere.

In my work with Revive Family, I found that the children whom were happier, motivated, and moving in positive directions had better relationships with their parents than is typically believed possible with adolescents today. Read More →