Trust is a tricky topic when it comes to families and especially the parent-child relationship. We have been programmed since childhood to believe trust is earned. The challenge with this view is that this means we basically need to be perfect in our relationships. Under this view when things go wrong in a relationship, we lose trust. When trust exits a relationship, communication becomes more difficult, suspicion increases and emotional distance grows. This is one of the reasons that friendships, marriage and business relationships often die when trust is lost.
I believe trust is the foundation of love. In the absence of trust it is virtually impossible for emotional connection and love to form. Apart from trust we will not take the risk of being open, transparent and of being hurt by someone we allow to get close to us. Read More →
At times it is hard for parents to believe that their kids desire to be close to them and each other given the behaviors and attitudes they observe in their homes.
Recently I had the pleasure of having a family come for Revive Family’s, Family Camp. During a week filled with fun, tears and laughter, the three kids shared like never before with their parents each echoing the desires for their families so many kids have shared with me. These desires were music to their parents’ ears once they came to understand and believe their kids’ perspectives.
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On its surface the statement “you need to earn my trust” is believed and considered sound. But how does it work in practicality?
I subscribed to this philosophy in all my relationships, including those with my kids. Then I sat and talked with over 3,000 kids and began to understand their point of view. Through my research and coaching of parents and adolescents I found that the phrase “you need to earn my trust” was negatively impacting the parent child relationship. Read More →