Archive for kids

While looking within is often the hardest phase of healing, it is crucial. I am not talking about a cursory review of oneself at the mind level, but rather a process of opening the hatch to our hearts and becoming emotionally transparent with ourselves.  We must allow ourselves to feel and find the root causes of the hurt and negative beliefs we have so carefully sealed from our consciousness. As I help parents and kids reach this place, it is amazing to see how unaware they often are regarding the pools of pain they are carrying within as well as the negative beliefs they have adopted.

When I ask them on the surface if they are okay with themselves, the answer is normally yes, but as we dig through a long list of questions about their lives, unresolved hurts and deeply held negative beliefs begin to surface. Identifying the sealed off hurts within our hearts and the negative beliefs is essential to healing that brings with it internal contentment, peace and joy. Read More →

My name is Jennifer Schadt and I am a sophomore at Northern Arizona University. Yes, my last name is Schadt, which means I am related to Jeff(founder of Revive Family), he is my dad. This summer I have come home to work for Revive Family full time (completely pro bono) and have found myself doing some very important projects. I want to share with you why I decided to join the Revive Family team.

WHO?

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The gap I find between parents and their kid’s perspectives never ceases to amaze me. Parents often believe everything is fine, they are connecting, and that their kids are close to them. Meanwhile their kids share with me feelings of frustration, loneliness, distance and hurt. Who would of thought there was such a disconnect. It made sense when I began to seek my kids’ input and insight on the subject, for this was the case with them as well.

Coaching families across the country, I believe the problem stems from the Paradigm of Wisdom vs. Perspective.  Given our age and experience we can look at our kids, the paths they are on and the things they are doing and see the flaws, issues and elements they are missing.  As a result, we often see ourselves as right and minimize our kid’s thoughts ideas and perspective. Given this, we seek to impart our wisdom and insights to our kids in order to protect and help them. Read More →

Summer presents an amazing opportunity to move our kids towards self -management.  In my time working on a college campus and from the research I conducted concerning the college transition, it was clear that students were not prepared for the stress, change and responsibility of managing their own lives when they left home.

This outcome stems from an underlying shift in the priority of parents. In the 1800’s and early 1900’s the predominant goal of parents was to raise self-reliant kids, which was

Our Kids are less prepared for Life on their own

vital. This is the reason I believe self-management is one of the most important skills for our kids to develop. Self-managing kids have more confidence, resilience and ability to handle adversity as they move towards and into adulthood. I am convinced that today more than ever we need to stop focusing on raising children and start focusing on raising adults.in the days of exploration, wilderness and family farms. Today the priority has become protecting our kids, which has led to adults managing more and more of their kids’ lives, success and decisions.  As a result, kids are less prepared for life on their own and many are relying on their parents into and throughout college leading to the growing reality of delayed adolescence in our society. Read More →

Summer provides parents a great opportunity to move kids towards understanding themselves and the responsibility needed to help them mature and succeed.

As parents we can make summer a season of development with our kids because they have more free time and are not consumed with school, activities and sports.  To accomplish this we need to view our kids and our role differently.

We can Make Summer a Season of Development and Responsibility

For some parents, like Deedee and me with our oldest at age nine, it may mean you need to do some things to reconnect with your kids at a deeper level.  This was a level that was missing with our kids. Even though they knew we cared deeply for them, they saw that our focus was on their performance and behavior. This caused our oldest daughter to avoid us, hide things and give one word answers rather than entering into conversations with us.  Our focus on performance caused our kids to retreat from responsibility because they knew we would harp on how they under-performed rather than encourage them in their effort and learning. Read More →

Boundaries and Consequences: The Reason We Believe in Them and the Impact They are Having on Today’s Kids

(Part 1 of 2 blogs)

OK I know the title already has you frustrated with me!  I understand I was once in your shoes, but all my time doing research and coaching adolescent’s means I cannot duck this sensitive topic even if I desire to….smile!

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What Brings Out and Flourishes our Kids Potential?

As we are thinking about how to raise our kids, we need to ask ourselves a vital question. What Brings Out and Flourishes our Kids Potential?

Today with the focus on test scores, activities, and community service, we have to get into the college of first choice.  There is more pressure on parents and their kids to perform, have to be first at everything, than ever before.

This naturally moves parents toward when seeing their kid showing the slightest talent within to pushing their children to achieve .  Yet, in our parent adolescent coaching engagements, we find that external pressure exerted by parents often backfires given the reality of the adolescent brain.  As parents we apply external pressure when we see our kids potential and believe they are not realizing it in their lives and school. Read More →

Social media is one of the more challenging issues parents face as it seems to take our kids away from us and often leads to conflict. Recently I read an article that gives us all pause to reconsider our dependence upon social media. The title says , “Yes, using Facebook may be making you more lonely.” What about social media affects our kids so that they are feeling lonely?

Parents often ask me questions about limiting social media use, rather than the deeper questions regarding the reasons their kids are so engrossed with it. It is in these questions where we find lasting answers. If we understand what drives our kids’ use of social media, we will discover numerous ways to address and alter the outcome without conflict. Read More →

Encouraging your kids in the face of failure, while counter intuitive, yields amazing results.

Just like we hate failing, so do our kids.  In my time with 3,000 children, there was not a single kid who set out to fail and none that desired to keep failing. Our kids are not even aware that their failure is a good thing.  In coaching adolescents, I find that our kids internalize their failures leading them to draw negative conclusions about themselves because they are not being taught how to handle their failure.

This negativity impacts them the next time they face an obstacle.  Given repeated negative experiences with failure, they begin to forecast that they will fail.  When this occurs they may avoid trying new or difficult things, give up when things get hard or worse yet, stop making an effort because it will be worse if they actually try and fail again.   Read More →

A change of heart is vital in parenting today.  If you have had the chance to read our previous blog you’ve read my personal experience of “Change of Heart”.  Prior to this change I was not a positive parent.  My focus on expectations and boundaries had me focused on my kids shortfalls and behavior issues. Kids today require a different approach. Why? Because the whole way of life for kids has changed!  Stop and consider for a moment how many changes that our country has gone through.

  1. Discrimination once ran unchecked, now it is in the spotlight.
  2. Polio once debilitated many of our children.
  3. Neighborhoods have broken down.
  4. Technology has changed the way our kids interact, acquire information, and are entertained.
  5. The way kids view reality and evaluate life has dramatically changed.

In the face of these dramatic changes, relatively little has changed in our basic approach to parenting. A change is needed. With depression, anxiety, and suicide on the rise with our kids, we need to stop and ask ourselves, “Have we fallen prey to that age old definition of insanity, doing the same thing and expecting different results?” Read More →