While looking within is often the hardest phase of healing, it is crucial. I am not talking about a cursory review of oneself at the mind level, but rather a process of opening the hatch to our hearts and becoming emotionally transparent with ourselves. We must allow ourselves to feel and find the root causes of the hurt and negative beliefs we have so carefully sealed from our consciousness. As I help parents and kids reach this place, it is amazing to see how unaware they often are regarding the pools of pain they are carrying within as well as the negative beliefs they have adopted.
When I ask them on the surface if they are okay with themselves, the answer is normally yes, but as we dig through a long list of questions about their lives, unresolved hurts and deeply held negative beliefs begin to surface. Identifying the sealed off hurts within our hearts and the negative beliefs is essential to healing that brings with it internal contentment, peace and joy. Read More →
Healing the heart is not a science or a linear process but an inward journey of discovery, reflection, and emotional consciousness that leads to deep healing. It does, however, require a significant mental decision and commitment. Why? It takes time, personal transparency, and a willingness to discover the suppressed reality that lies within.
This discovery process is not easy and often uncovers pain that we inherently like to avoid which is likely why we stuffed it originally. When pain accumulates, it causes us to deep six our hearts and shut them down, in effect sealing the hatch to the submarine to avoid the storm within. Read More →
Have you ever thought of making a contract with your kid on their behavior and if so what was your thoughts on how it would affect them? We try our hardest as parents to help our kids by what we know of is the best way. However, what if one of the ways was very harmful to our kids’ as a person and the relationship we have with them.
What Contracts are About
I am surprised by the growing popularity of contracts between parents and kids to address certain behaviors and issues. While it surprises me maybe it shouldn’t, given that the pace of life leaves so little time for genuine relationships and the resulting distance we work through with so many families at Revive Family.
Contracts were originally a tool for kids who exited treatment programs. Today they are appearing in social media and some parenting programs as a great tool to use with our kids, but are they? Read More →
Encouraging your kids in the face of failure, while counter intuitive, yields amazing results.
Just like we hate failing, so do our kids. In my time with 3,000 children, there was not a single kid who set out to fail and none that desired to keep failing. Our kids are not even aware that their failure is a good thing. In coaching adolescents, I find that our kids internalize their failures leading them to draw negative conclusions about themselves because they are not being taught how to handle their failure.
This negativity impacts them the next time they face an obstacle. Given repeated negative experiences with failure, they begin to forecast that they will fail. When this occurs they may avoid trying new or difficult things, give up when things get hard or worse yet, stop making an effort because it will be worse if they actually try and fail again. Read More →