Archive for Failure

While looking within is often the hardest phase of healing, it is crucial. I am not talking about a cursory review of oneself at the mind level, but rather a process of opening the hatch to our hearts and becoming emotionally transparent with ourselves.  We must allow ourselves to feel and find the root causes of the hurt and negative beliefs we have so carefully sealed from our consciousness. As I help parents and kids reach this place, it is amazing to see how unaware they often are regarding the pools of pain they are carrying within as well as the negative beliefs they have adopted.

When I ask them on the surface if they are okay with themselves, the answer is normally yes, but as we dig through a long list of questions about their lives, unresolved hurts and deeply held negative beliefs begin to surface. Identifying the sealed off hurts within our hearts and the negative beliefs is essential to healing that brings with it internal contentment, peace and joy. Read More →

Encouraging your kids in the face of failure, while counter intuitive, yields amazing results.

Just like we hate failing, so do our kids.  In my time with 3,000 children, there was not a single kid who set out to fail and none that desired to keep failing. Our kids are not even aware that their failure is a good thing.  In coaching adolescents, I find that our kids internalize their failures leading them to draw negative conclusions about themselves because they are not being taught how to handle their failure.

This negativity impacts them the next time they face an obstacle.  Given repeated negative experiences with failure, they begin to forecast that they will fail.  When this occurs they may avoid trying new or difficult things, give up when things get hard or worse yet, stop making an effort because it will be worse if they actually try and fail again.   Read More →