Archive for anger

Healing within has made a huge difference in the relationships in our family.  So many of the sensitive spots that caused me to fear, react or get angry are gone.  When those things trigger within us, we often assess the full weight of the uncomfortable or angry feelings to the one thing our kid or spouse said. If we had healed the sensitive spots or pools of pain in our hearts, the impact of what they said or did would not have kicked off such strong feelings of pain, anger or hurt.  This is just one of the reasons healing within is so important. Removing the pool of pain and triggers makes it far easier to be the type of loving, listening and strategic parent we desire to be. Read More →

Influential Parenting to the rescue, like a superhero!  Here’s where our real transformation started So back to Jeff(founder of Revive Family), a few more months went by and another conference we missed, but this time, Jeff gave us a set of the parenting audio series (he saw the train wreck we were, chugga chugga choo choo!). This was a thank you for the many many MANY volunteer (yes that means for free) hours that I had worked for the organization and the conferences (worth it!).  So, instead of listening to the CD’s we thanked him by waiting an additional 9 months…. (can you hear my head hit the table in total embarrassment, I can). So, finally we listened to the audio CD’s (alleluia, can you hear the angels singing!) on our way to pick up my step- sons for a weekend with them (one of two weekends a month we got with them and at times it was only one weekend a month).  We listened intently and listened again and again to the sessions. Read More →

As parents we all deal with back talk and want this behavior to stop. As the founder of Revive Family I have come to see back talk in a new light.  To see it in a new light I ask myself this:  “Is back talk just bad behavior or is it also a cry for help?” Read More →

Have you ever thought of making a contract with your kid on their behavior and if so what was your thoughts on how it would affect them? We try our hardest as parents to help our kids by what we know of is the best way. However, what if one of the ways was very harmful to our kids’ as a person and the relationship we have with them.  

What Contracts are About

I am surprised by the growing popularity of contracts between parents and kids to address certain behaviors and issues.  While it surprises me maybe it shouldn’t, given that the pace of life leaves so little time for genuine relationships and the resulting distance we work through with so many families at Revive Family.

Contracts were originally a tool for kids who exited treatment programs.  Today they are appearing in social media and some parenting programs as a great tool to use with our kids, but are they? Read More →

The gap I find between parents and their kid’s perspectives never ceases to amaze me. Parents often believe everything is fine, they are connecting, and that their kids are close to them. Meanwhile their kids share with me feelings of frustration, loneliness, distance and hurt. Who would of thought there was such a disconnect. It made sense when I began to seek my kids’ input and insight on the subject, for this was the case with them as well.

Coaching families across the country, I believe the problem stems from the Paradigm of Wisdom vs. Perspective.  Given our age and experience we can look at our kids, the paths they are on and the things they are doing and see the flaws, issues and elements they are missing.  As a result, we often see ourselves as right and minimize our kid’s thoughts ideas and perspective. Given this, we seek to impart our wisdom and insights to our kids in order to protect and help them. Read More →

The way kids react and respond after they make mistakes or mess up is in response to how they are dealing with the emotion of their failure. Unfortunately, most kids have no idea how to deal with mistakes a healthy way and they literally beat themselves up on the inside.

Beating Themselves up Emotionally

Imagine for a second you were injured in a fall and bruised your ribs.  The next morning you would be sore and it would be hard to move. After some aspirin and moving around you regain some flexibility and are able to move better. The next day you begin healing and feel a little better each following day.

UNLESS each morning you get up and hit yourself in the ribs.  Then what would happen; the bruise would actually get worse, more pain would result and it could not heal.

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As I coach families around the country, anger is a topic that comes up very often. Anger is a part of life, it is how you use it that will make all the difference. The range of anger has manifestations that start from negative emotions, to irritation, frustration and being upset, to yelling.  

Being angry is not always wrong and there are plenty of times where anger is justified, like being betrayed, bullied, and bad things that happen that are out of your control. Yet for many of us, anger  happens way too easily. Even in situations where anger is justified, how it’s handled and addressed can either lead to understanding and resolution or have negative and damaging impacts on our families and relationships.

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