Archive for Adolescent

To help see the process of helping our kids feel safer we will have to walk through some hard to face facts first.  Read with me through the whole process, we will have the light shining bright on us before the end.

As a young father of two girls the fear I had was a powerful motivator to protect them.  As I train and coach families across the country I find higher levels of fear than when we started our parenting journey 20 years ago.  My fear caused me to make some major mistakes with my oldest daughter. It took several years to overcome them in our relationship and longer for her to begin to develop self-confidence in her amazing gifts, abilities, and potential. Read More →

Kids that morph, alter who they are in their relationships to be accepted.  One simple example would be a young man or lady who alters what she likes, does or thinks to be accepted by the person they are dating.  As I coach families I am finding many parents who look back and say, “I morphed,” some with painful outcomes.

When we change ourselves to enter relationships it sets the relationship up to fail because eventually we will move back towards whom we truly are and what we like because it is consistent with how we are wired. When this occurs, the person the significant other fell in love with gradually disappears leaving the real relationship on shaky ground.  If both parties are morphing to make a relationship work, they may wake up one day and feel like they do not really know the person they are with. Read More →

Influential Parenting to the rescue, like a superhero!  Here’s where our real transformation started So back to Jeff(founder of Revive Family), a few more months went by and another conference we missed, but this time, Jeff gave us a set of the parenting audio series (he saw the train wreck we were, chugga chugga choo choo!). This was a thank you for the many many MANY volunteer (yes that means for free) hours that I had worked for the organization and the conferences (worth it!).  So, instead of listening to the CD’s we thanked him by waiting an additional 9 months…. (can you hear my head hit the table in total embarrassment, I can). So, finally we listened to the audio CD’s (alleluia, can you hear the angels singing!) on our way to pick up my step- sons for a weekend with them (one of two weekends a month we got with them and at times it was only one weekend a month).  We listened intently and listened again and again to the sessions. Read More →

Why am I so passionate about Influential Parenting? It saved my second marriage and my relationship with my daughter.  It brought my daughter and my husband (step-dad) closer.  It brought us to the middle and away from the extremes (Hooray!). But it also challenged what we thought was conventional wisdom in parenting. It was exactly what our family needed!
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We celebrate Independence Day with family gatherings, parades and fireworks. Revive Family wishes you a wonderful day this 4th of July with your family.  Today it seems that independence has taken on a twinge of fear for parents. The thought of granting our kids independence carries with it the sense that we are taking a risk and not being “good parents”, but this has not always been the case. Read More →

As parents we all want to help our kids so that they do not make the same mistakes we did.  We often tell them what is right or wrong and try to make them do the right thing, which leads to lectures. Last week we looked at the reasons lecturing and repeating things does not get through to our kids. When we ask our kids strategic questions, it is far more effective and often the best way for us to teach our kids.

Why it this true?

When we ask a question, our kids must stop and think.  They cannot just put it on autopilot and respond with their habitual answers or reactions. Read More →

One of the more powerful concepts I have found through coaching numerous families is transparency. While not high on the priority list in our culture, it is vital within our homes.

Depending on our background and personality, transparency can either be easier or harder for us. For those who have a hard time saying no to our family members, transparency is an incredibly freeing tool. For those who really depend more on right and wrong and telling the truth, transparency helps those around us understand and draw closer to us.

Why is transparency so important?

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My first day on campus created a huge range of feelings in me: excitement, happiness, sadness, and loneliness all in that order. A new student steps onto campus and immediately is excited to have all these new experiences and to finally live on their own. I felt exactly like that. I remember walking around with both my parents going to orientation smiling and laughing. Everything was new, different, and good. We took pictures of how happy I was when I got my dorm room key and moved in, but nothing prepared me for the goodbyes and the unbelievable void that followed as my parent’s car pulled away and out of sight. I was alone. Read More →

We say that we will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. The statement makes me take a step back to think. Are we applying this to how we care for our kids?

After years of running this organization, even a dad like me who focuses on a completely different approach to parenting has to be honest with himself and admit that there are times when I am better with the vinegar than honey. This tends to happen when I am concerned or seeing a pattern of behavior that is troubling.  Sometimes I slip back to interfering with my oldest son’s potential or allowing negative thoughts to come through what I say to him. Taking time to dig deeper and identify the root fills our kids with honey. Read More →

Recently I worked with a family that was by all measures successful and yet their kids were struggling.  

They lived in a great area, had plenty of resources and the kids enjoyed more activities and opportunities than their parents had. Given this reality it was hard for the parents to understand why both their kids struggled in significant ways.  One struggled with depression and anxiety, while the other had motivation issues with school and a significant anger issue.

This amazing couple could not understand why their kids would not or could not be grateful for their situation, take advantage of the opportunities and move forward confidently.  After all to them their kids were treated better then they were when they were kids and they had so much more to be appreciative of. Read More →