Archive for Anger Management

Healing the heart is not a science or a linear process but an inward journey of discovery, reflection, and emotional consciousness that leads to deep healing. It does, however, require a significant mental decision and commitment. Why? It takes time, personal transparency, and a willingness to discover the suppressed reality that lies within.

This discovery process is not easy and often uncovers pain that we inherently like to avoid which is likely why we stuffed it originally. When pain accumulates, it causes us to deep six our hearts and shut them down, in effect sealing the hatch to the submarine to avoid the storm within. Read More →

Healing within has made a huge difference in the relationships in our family.  So many of the sensitive spots that caused me to fear, react or get angry are gone.  When those things trigger within us, we often assess the full weight of the uncomfortable or angry feelings to the one thing our kid or spouse said. If we had healed the sensitive spots or pools of pain in our hearts, the impact of what they said or did would not have kicked off such strong feelings of pain, anger or hurt.  This is just one of the reasons healing within is so important. Removing the pool of pain and triggers makes it far easier to be the type of loving, listening and strategic parent we desire to be. Read More →

One of the reasons our kids’ emotions can be often set off like fireworks stems from an inability to discern their feelings. This inability is something I see a great deal in coaching and see also an area where we as parents can come along side our kids to help them comprehend and guide there emotions.

When strong emotions hit that are not identified and communicated, kids quickly learn to cope by shutting them down or venting in anger.  As I talk with them, they are unable to tell me what feelings they were experiencing when specific events occurred. They tend to answer, “it does not matter” (then shutdown) or “I was angry.”
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The gap I find between parents and their kid’s perspectives never ceases to amaze me. Parents often believe everything is fine, they are connecting, and that their kids are close to them. Meanwhile their kids share with me feelings of frustration, loneliness, distance and hurt. Who would of thought there was such a disconnect. It made sense when I began to seek my kids’ input and insight on the subject, for this was the case with them as well.

Coaching families across the country, I believe the problem stems from the Paradigm of Wisdom vs. Perspective.  Given our age and experience we can look at our kids, the paths they are on and the things they are doing and see the flaws, issues and elements they are missing.  As a result, we often see ourselves as right and minimize our kid’s thoughts ideas and perspective. Given this, we seek to impart our wisdom and insights to our kids in order to protect and help them. Read More →

As I coach families around the country, anger is a topic that comes up very often. Anger is a part of life, it is how you use it that will make all the difference. The range of anger has manifestations that start from negative emotions, to irritation, frustration and being upset, to yelling.  

Being angry is not always wrong and there are plenty of times where anger is justified, like being betrayed, bullied, and bad things that happen that are out of your control. Yet for many of us, anger  happens way too easily. Even in situations where anger is justified, how it’s handled and addressed can either lead to understanding and resolution or have negative and damaging impacts on our families and relationships.

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  1. Their reactions are not necessarily a bad attitude, character flaw, manipulation or rebellion.
  2. It is likely they are really forgetting their homework and chores
  3. They are as confused by their behavior as you are

The onset of adolescence occurs 18 months prior to puberty or as early as age 8 or 9. When your child’s hormones that lead to adult maturity are beginning the stages of growth, the adolescent brain enters a development phase that decreases activity in the frontal lobe of the brain. When this occurs, the changes that parents see in their children are very significant. These behaviors are very frustrating to the parents let alone the child. These three things will help you understand the changes in your adolescent:

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